"If it hadn't been Mike Fenn on the other end of the 'phone, I would not have believed it. But it was Mike, and it was true that the BBC wanted some Eton Fives players to appear on They Think It's All Over. In case you have better things to do on a Friday evening, this is a sports quiz that is broadcast by BBC1, hosted by Nick Hancock---an Old Salopian who owes his school colours to Mike Hughes---with Gary Lineker and David Gower (usually) as captains. The quiz element is largely incidental, being there as a pretext for comedians Rory McGrath and Jonathan Ross to be gratuitously rude. Their greatest chance comes in the "Mystery Guest", or feel-the-sportsman round. In this round, two team members are blindfolded and have 90 seconds to guess the sport and identity of the mystery guests.

You will have guessed where this is going. Tom Dunbar and I were selected from a short queue of volunteers to go on national television to represent our sport and, hopefully, not embarrass our mothers too greatly. Mike Fenn did an excellent job of persuading the programme researcher that we would not be allowed to wear Eton school uniform (I am forever in Mike's debt for his efforts on this). He did an even better job of relaying instructions on how to build a pep to the BBC prop man. In a frighteningly short rehearsal, Tom and I practised hitting balls against the buttress to avoid injuring the highly-paid performers. We then spent a nervous two hours in our dressing room (it even had a television and shower) waiting for our call, worrying that our bums looked big and that my shorts were not ironed. Then the call, the make-up, the roar of the crowd, an eternity (well, 90 seconds) on stage while Tom was felt vigorously by Gary Lineker and Rory McGrath while I watched on, thankful to have escaped their close attention, and off again to great applause and huge relief.

It was enormous fun (especially once it was over), helped by the fact that everyone on the programme seemed genuinely concerned that we had a good time. Hopefully, it has helped to raise the profile of the sport. Certainly, a lot of people that I know through sport and other contacts seem to show the sport a little more respect because it has been on television, even if they are still confused about how the game is played. With luck, it may lead to other opportunities to advertise the game. (By the way, Tom and I are available for weddings and bar mitzvahs: all bookings through our agent.) Finally, thanks to Mike Fenn and Michael Constantinidi for all their efforts to make it happen."

'They Think It's All Over' by Robin Mason January 2003
Created 12 September 2003 by Mike Fenn
efa@etonfives.co.uk

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